Tuesday 27 August 2019


I’m writing this on my phone whilst laying with my little Nila bug. How are you 2 already. No more baby, a fully fledged toddler with so much sass, and the cutest little comedian you ever did see!.

You are  probably wondering where I am going with this , the truth is I don’t really know where to start. I’m feeling all kinds of emotions tonight about the fact that Nila is definitely our last baby.

If you are not aware , then I am due to have hernia repair surgery tomorrow and I have already had my pre- op appointment and the discussion came up about more children and pregnancy.

I hadn’t even thought about it to be honest , Nila’s a handful and we always joke about no more, as we have three girls already and it’s like hormone central in our house , no word of a lie :)

But when someone says you basically can’t have anymore , it’s like a smack in the face!. The nurse discussed the procedure and said if I was to fall pregnant , the pregnancy will more than likely undo the surgery repair and the hernia will appear again.

Now, the surgery itself is worrying me half to death as it is . I suffer with extreme high anxiety when it comes to things like this , so the thought of it coming undone, is my worst nightmare .

So after the past few days I’ve been really taking in what the nurse has pretty much told me - no more babies. It’s a hard pill to swallow , and my mood has been low , really low and I think this is why.

I have three beautiful daughters and I am truly blessed to have all three of them and they are happy little munchkins , well Kay not so much little but they are all my little babies and I am trying to hold on to that fact.

I am probably all emotional and hormonal due to that time of the month and the fact that Nila is snoring and sounds like a little piglet right now - she is so cute!!

I will be ok , I am sure . I just felt the need to write it down , does anyone else have them moments? , right I’m off to finish this cup of tea and get to bed , but before I do I’m going to snuggle with this one for a little while longer X

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