Saturday evening and it is twenty past 10 at night. I have been reading for the past hour, my latest read is Elizabeth is Missing by Emma Healey and it is pretty good, smaller word print than I normally read, which is making my head hurt, i need to check in with Specsavers to see if I need reading glasses again, but I have had a bit of a wake-up moment tonight.
For a very long time, I have felt like I have been going through the motions of being here, working, raising my children and honestly, surviving. I have shared my road of mental health and the struggles that have come along the way, but I can't tell you the last time I went to bed feeling fulfilled.
Do you know what I mean?.
Most evenings I go to bed either stressing over things that need to be done the following week, sad because there haven't been enough hours in the day to get things done or have a chance to read or even do my nails. Watch a tik tok and someone has been on a spontaneous holiday and wish i could do that.
This post might make no sense whatsoever but it could also resonate so much with some so I wanted to write, tonight I feel so content with my life.
Nila has been in her bedroom journalling tonight, she is 6 and takes after her me 100% and absolutely melts my heart. She loves taking time out in her room to do her writing and reading, it is the sweetest thing. We have had a lovely day out with friends, the house is clean, bubble baths, fresh hair and a realisation that I am finally living my life.
I dont really know how to put it down in words but I hope it makes sense. I read most evenings now and I haven't read like i have been since January for a very long time, years even. I am a book worm and have been since I can remember but before this year, I wouldn't have even put reading down as a hobby as I just didn't do it anymore, but ask me what princess I would be and it would be Belle because of her library! and Merida because she kicks ass!.
I am finally learning to drive and really did not think the day would come. I almost gave up hope that I would ever do it but here I am with my theory test booked and my own car sitting in my drive ready to go.
Travelling is something I love. Having worked with Jet2 over the past two years, has really ignited my hunger for more adventures so I have a girl's trip booked for Saturday to Tenerife, these are the kind of things I would have gone to bed feeling sad about because I wished for them but I am now making my wishes come true.
I have got so many things planned for this year and a massive plan for 2025, i just feel really content with life and can honestly say i am actually living it.
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