There is something about your last baby showing signs that they are growing up that really hits you in the throat. You know that feeling when you want to cry, but you are trying your hardest to hold it in, so you do that gulp, and it actually hurts your throat? That is basically how I have felt since Nila started middle school.
I genuinely don't know where the years have gone with my girls. People tell you when they are babies that it goes quickly, and obviously you nod along while you are knee deep in nappies thinking, yeah, but bloody hell, they weren't lying. I feel like I've blinked and suddenly I've got these grown-up girls, and my last baby isn't actually a baby anymore.
NILA HAS STARTED MIDDLE SCHOOL!
So, Nila has officially started Year 5 and middle school, and I'm not sure I'm OK with it!. Where we live, the school system is a little different. The children stay at primary school until the end of Year 4, then move to middle school for Year 5 and eventually go on to high school in Year 9. I don't think I realised just how big the jump from primary to middle school would feel until we were actually doing it.
We have gone from primary school to ties and blazers, more homework, more independence and a playground with no play equipment. Excuse me, but where are the climbing frames and trim trail?. It just suddenly feels very serious and very grown up.
Then there's the uniform. There is absolutely no need for a blazer and tie to make your nine-year-old look about 15, but apparently that's what they do. I looked at her on that first day and genuinely thought, where has my little primary school baby gone?
THE LAST BABY REALLY DOES HIT DIFFERENT
I've done all of this twice before with Kay and Less, so you'd think I'd be used to my children having the absolute audacity to grow up by now, but apparently not.
I think it feels different with your youngest because you know there isn't another little one coming along behind them. With your first, you are experiencing all these milestones for the first time, but with your last you suddenly realise you are ticking off a lot of the last ones too.
The last first day at primary school has already happened. The primary school years are finished. We've done the little uniforms, the playgrounds and all those primary school things for the final time, and apparently I'm just supposed to be emotionally stable about this?!
SHE IS ABSOLUTELY THRIVING
As much as I've found the whole thing emotional, the best part is that Nila has settled into Year 5 SO well. It was really daunting at first because it was a completely different world to what she was used to, but I've already seen such a difference in her independence and confidence.
Even little things have changed. Swimming is fun for her now, she doesn't worry about getting changed for PE and things that might have made her nervous before just don't seem like such a big deal anymore. She's finding her feet, getting used to this new way of doing things and honestly, she is absolutely thriving, and that's the bit that gets me because while I'm over here having an emotional breakdown over a blazer and a playground without a climbing frame, she's just getting on with it 😂
I'm so bloody proud of her.
Of course, she'll still always be my baby. They all will. Kay could be 45 with a husband and children, and I'll still be asking whether she's eaten and telling her to text me when she gets home.
Watching your children grow up is such a strange mixture of being ridiculously proud of the people they are becoming while also wanting to grab time by the shoulders and tell it to slow down.
So yes, Nila starting middle school has hit me harder than I expected. She's happy, she's growing in confidence and she's absolutely smashing it, which is all I could ever want.
But wow, this growing-up-your-last-baby business is bloody tough!!
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